Numbness isn't power

Are you numb?

For most of my life I lived in a numb state.

I didn't know. I didn't know that I was numb.

I knew nothing about trauma and the nervous system. I didn't even know much about emotions.

And I was deeply shut down and protective.

I didn't know.

When our nervous systems is shut down when we are very young, it becomes "normal". We forget what it feels like to be connected. To be in a deeply relaxed state.

I didn't know.

I didn't feel tense. I didn't feel anxious. And yet my nervous system was so tense, that at one point in my life, it had to shift into a deeply shut down and numb state for protection.

In this state, life doesn't feel good.

Emotions don't feel good.

Even "feel good" emotions and moments have a numbness to them. As if there is a local anesthesia that is softening the blow of the experience of life.

I didn't come here to be numb. You didn't come here to numb.

This is scientifically known...how our nervous system works. Moving from a state of creativity and play into fight or flight...and then into numbness...deep protection.

I remember the point at which my creativity and play stopped. I thought I just "grew up".

As you awaken to the fact that your life is anything but fulfilling, that your life is anything but nourishing...

...that love seems to elude you...

...you fear feeling - consciously or unconsciously. Because you are attempting to light back up a circuit that is deeply broken, frayed, gnarled. It doesn't carry electricity (creative life force) well.

You are not communicating with yourself. So every feeling that is intense, your nervous system automatically...unconsciously...takes it on as something to fear. Something to protect against.

When I work with clients, we open them up to their nervous system, to their emotions. There can be so much initial resistance to feeling. And what my clients realize through the process is that feeling begins to be nourishing. All feelings...all experiences can be felt as nourishing...loving...supportive.

You don't have to fight my love. You don't have to shut down. You don't have to escape. You don't have to fear feeling. You don't have to fear facing your wounds.

And it's ok if you do.

As the nervous system heals so do the wounds that are associated with them. As the nervous system heals, the wounds don't hurt as badly. And you stop creating them in your life. You stop creating suffering and experiences that you need to protect yourself from.

Life can be experienced euphorically,,, ...lovingly... ...and deeply compassionately.

Are you numb?

You may not realize it. You may not realize how truly shut down you are.

I didn't. I didn't know.

If you are not experiencing life nourishingly, ecstatically, orgasmically, compassionately, and lovingly then you are in trauma.

You are in a traumatized state of existence.

And you don't have to be.