Yesterday I had a wave of aloneness wash over me.
I had experienced it before. It was like an old friend whose presence eluded to memories of forgotten places.
I took my awareness fully to my aloneness. I surrendered.
The depth of it consumed me. The darkness of its emptiness, of the abyss, pulling me further down into it.
There was no fear. What is there to fear within aloneness? We are always alone and yet we are never alone.
Aloneness is one of the beautiful paradoxes that I delight in.
And, it is still painful for my body.
The pain comes in waves as I surrender. The aching of my loins....of my longing.
The aching of my heart...of my grief.
I continued to allow the waves through me. I co
ntinued to surrender.
What is there to fear? We are always alone and yet never...
The beauty of that paradox continued to echo through my body. A reflection upon the ache of loss.
What can we lose when we are all? What can't be lost when everything is an illusion?
My Higher Self told me to release any attachments that I held. Without knowing what those attachments were, I let go.
Let go of what I could lose. Let go of what was never mine.
Let go of the illusion of ever having it.
Tears fell in a stream down my face...as the pain continued to move through my body.
Moments of pure peace in between the waves. Much like giving birth. The
contractions....and the peace.
In birth, you let go. You surrender to the moment because you know that it is all you can do.
Life is no different.
After about an hour and a half, I was left with only
the stillness of existence itself.
The void of nothingness where aloneness is but a figment of the imagination.
Where all is felt and yet nothing is felt. Where all is...and yet nothing is.
I floated....I dissolved.
It has always been the most seemingly painful moments that offer the deepest peace. The times that you let everything go, the fight is no longer. Peace appears.
Only our ego desires to hold on. It fears its own survival. For it is the ego that truly dies, you are an eternal being.
When you can help the ego feel safe to let go, it dissolves into the only identity that exists...existence itself.
Today I woke up as a different person...a further dissolution into the pureness of Divine Love in action.